We’re delighted to welcome Sandra Thompson, one of Understood’s brilliant consultants, as our guest blogger this month.

Sandra is the UK’s first Goleman Emotional Intelligence Coach and Director of The EI Evolution, and we’re lucky to work with her on many of our projects.

The silent leadership skills that win big. Ignore at your peril!

Ever fired off an email you later regretted? Snapped in a meeting? Or replayed a conversation in your head thinking, “Why did I say it like that?” You’re not alone.

The reality is, most workplace conflicts aren’t about strategy, budgets, or KPIs. They’re about emotions; unmanaged, unacknowledged, and unregulated. And that matters, because how you show up in the heat of the moment shapes how people experience you, and whether they want to keep working with you.

Why emotional self-awareness matters

Think of self-awareness as your emotional dashboard. It tells you when frustration is rising, when stress is narrowing your focus, or when excitement is pushing you to speak before you think. Ignore that dashboard, and you’re flying blind.

A 2023 McKinsey study found that employees with strong emotional self-awareness reported 31% higher job satisfaction and 37% better collaboration. In other words, noticing your own state doesn’t just make you easier to work with, it makes everyone around you more effective too

The pause that changes everything

Here’s the good news: self-regulation is a skill you can train. And it all starts with the pause.

Take a senior leader I used to work with. She was known for sharp outbursts in meetings. One day, in a tense boardroom exchange, she caught himself clenching her jaw and leaning forward, ready to fire back. Instead, she paused, took two slow breaths, and said, “Let me think about that before I respond.”

The room shifted. Her team leaned in, not back. What could have been another blow-up turned into a productive conversation. Over time, those small pauses reshaped how people saw her — not as reactive, but as composed, credible, and worth listening to.

It’s not just leaders who benefit. On the frontline, the impact can be just as powerful. One customer service agent told me about a moment where an angry passenger was demanding a refund at the customer service desk. Instead of snapping back, he took a slow breath, grounded himself, and calmly said, “I can see you’re frustrated, let’s work this out.” That single moment of self-regulation turned a potential escalation into a resolution. The passenger left feeling heard instead of hostile.

As Viktor Frankl put it:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

That space is where leadership and service lives.

And it works.

A 2024 Frontiers in Psychology study found that people who built in small regulation habits, breathing, walking, pausing, reported 42% less workplace conflict and significantly higher resilience under pressure.

Three small practices with big impact

You don’t need an hour-long meditation session or yoga with Labrador puppies to reset. Try this:

✅ Breathe: Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) calms your nervous system in under two minutes.

✅ Move: Get up, stretch, or take a quick walk. Even 10 minutes of light movement boosts creative problem-solving. Changing your energy will give you new eyes on the “issue”.

✅ Pause: Count to ten before answering. Step away before reacting. That pause can save a relationship and your reputation. Honestly.

Why this is good for business

Let’s be clear: emotional regulation isn’t “soft.” It’s smart. Ignore it at your peril.

Gallup reports that managers who model regulation lead teams with 23% higher engagement and significantly lower turnover. When leaders stay steady, teams feel safe. When frontline staff stay regulated, customers feel respected. And when that happens, performance soars.

It’s not about pretending you don’t feel stressed or frustrated. It’s about recognising it, owning it, and choosing how you let it out. That’s the difference between being respected as a leader, or remembered as the boss who blew up in meetings. It’s also the difference between a customer who walks away loyal, and one who never comes back.

The bottom line (and a word)

Communication without connection is just noise. And connection starts with how you manage yourself.

Let’s talk about how your teams can communicate with more clarity, presence, and purpose. Make sure you explore our website, read our blog, and follow us on LinkedIn to learn more and discover ways to grow a more successful business.