We’ve all experienced it. Those conversations where something feels off and one person clearly isn’t engaged or interesting in what you’re saying, so the connection falls flat. Whether it’s a colleague, a customer, or even a friend, it’s hard not to notice when the listening just isn’t there.

At Understood, we work with businesses to improve both customer and staff experiences through effective communication. That includes training in emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and communication strategies that support genuine, two-way conversations.

So, what are the signs that someone isn’t really tuned in?

1. They look switched off

Their smile feels a bit too fixed. Eye contact is held for too long. Their body is overly still. While these might look like signs of attention, they can be the opposite. Nonverbal communication plays a huge role in workplace interactions, and when it’s off, it’s often because the person is trying to appear interested rather than being present. Resilience and stress management training can help people better manage internal distractions and show up authentically.

2. They give autopilot answers

The other day, my eight year old caught me out. He was in full storytelling mode, and I was nodding along while mentally planning dinner and replying to emails in my head. Suddenly, he stopped and said, “Mummy, you’re not really listening, you’re just saying nice things.” And he was right. In both personal and professional settings, it’s easy to slip into default responses. That’s where emotional intelligence training helps us slow down, stay present and actually engage.

3. They’re visibly distracted

Glancing at a phone, checking a watch or scanning the room are clear signs the other person isn’t with you. In customer interactions, this can seriously damage rapport. For leaders, managing challenging conversations with full attention is essential, not only to get to the heart of the issue, but to show respect. Improving workplace communication with EQ starts with being fully present.

 4. They fidget

Constant movement, tapping, shifting, and fiddling can suggest discomfort or restlessness. It often signals that the speaker has lost their listener’s attention. Understanding team personality dynamics and offering tools like psychometric profiling for employees can help leaders spot behavioural patterns and adapt their approach accordingly.

5. They don’t mirror your body language

Verbal and nonverbal communication should work together. If you’re leaning forward and they’re leaning back, or if your gestures don’t match in rhythm or tone, there may be a disconnect. In personality development sessions, we explore how mirroring and emotional cues influence rapport, especially in leadership personality profiling where alignment and trust are crucial.

6. Their responses don’t follow the thread

Ever shared something important only to get a completely unrelated reply? It’s frustrating, and it often points to poor listening. In conflict resolution training, we teach participants how to stay with the thread of a conversation and use active listening techniques to reduce misunderstandings and defuse tension.

7. They look bored

That blank stare says it all. Whether in meetings or customer interactions, visible boredom is a sign that the message isn’t landing. But is the problem the content, or the connection? EQ in leadership includes recognising when to shift tone, ask a question, or bring someone back in. The Big Five personality traits assessment is one way teams can understand where engagement naturally dips and how to better support one another.

Ultimately, successful communication is about more than talking. It’s about tuning in to how others are feeling, managing your own reactions, and building trust through empathy and presence.

Whether it’s cross-departmental communication or giving constructive feedback, self-awareness and emotional intelligence are the foundations. And if you realise you’ve been doing most of the talking lately, maybe it’s time to pause, ask a thoughtful question, and let someone else take the floor.

Talk to us, explore our website, read our blog, and follow us on LinkedIn to learn more and discover ways to grow a more successful business.