The stories we tell ourselves can be powerful and dangerous. In her compelling TED Talk, therapist Lori Gottlieb says “The way we narrate our lives shapes what they become.” How we talk to ourselves has the power to either build us up or break us down. But here’s the good news, we can use that power to our advantage.

If we change the story, we can change the outcome. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. A key part of emotional intelligence training is developing self-awareness, and being able to spot when our internal narratives are distorted or limiting.

So, what kind of story are you telling yourself?

When we’re feeling hurt, isolated or overwhelmed, it’s easy to fall into negative self-talk. We see the world through a narrow lens without even realising it. In effect, we become our own fake news broadcasters. In the workplace, disengaged employees often describe feeling stuck or powerless. But if we want to break free from these “emotional jail cells”, we must recognise our part in the story and be willing to change the script.

Be the editor, not just the author

A helpful mindset shift is to think of yourself as the editor of your own story. As Lori Gottlieb puts it: “You can let go of the one version of the story you’ve been telling yourself so that you can live your life, not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.”

The first chapter of change might be uncomfortable, even scary but once you start editing, the next chapter becomes easier. Try writing your story from someone else’s perspective such as a friend or a colleague. What would they see that you’ve missed? What tone would they use? What truths would they highlight?

Building EQ in leadership and teams

In leadership roles, emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential. Leaders with strong EQ understand their own emotional drivers and can empathise with others, an ability that transforms workplace communication and team dynamics. Programmes that focus on EQ in leadership help individuals lead with authenticity, resilience and emotional insight.

Tools like psychometric profiling for employees and Big Five personality traits assessments offer deeper insight into personality development in the workplace. These tools help teams uncover hidden strengths, manage stress, and improve collaboration. Understanding team personality dynamics means we can adapt, communicate more effectively, and work through conflict with empathy.

Choose the narrative that moves you forward

To grow, we need to be honest about which stories we’ve clung to and which need rewriting. Are you the hero or the victim in your narrative? What vital pieces have you left out?

We can choose stories that build resilience, that support our goals, and that bring out our best. Whether through resilience and stress management training, leadership personality profiling or self-awareness workshops, there are many ways to reshape the stories we live by.

As Lori Gottlieb says “There’s nothing more important to the quality of our lives than the stories we tell ourselves about them.”

Make sure yours is one worth living.

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